


Louie, Louie

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: Hockey RPF One-Shots [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: i was fine until stammer's voice went a little shaky, marty's number retirement, then i was no longer fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 09:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: See tags. Or:"Stammer cracks a joke about Marty's height like everything's completely fine.It's not."





	

Torts is up there talking, but Stammer's not listening. He's waiting his turn and running over all the words he wants to say so he doesn't mess up. He's spent a lot of time in front of cameras, especially since he's been the captain of a pretty successful NHL team; he's used to them by now. But he especially doesn't want to fuck this up.

This is for Marty.

Torts comes off the platform and then they're booing Bettman, but Stammer doesn't really even hear it. He's still rehearsing words, stealing glances at Marty and feeling like a rookie again. He's wearing his nicest suit, the one he always chooses when he needs to look sharp. It's gray.

Marty was the one who told him gray suits might suit him.

It doesn't fit him quite like it should. His shoulders are still summer-bulked where they shouldn't be halfway through the season; his legs aren't close to the muscle tone he needs them to have. Stammer zones out, trying not to miss having skates on the ice, and the next thing he knows there's an elbow in his side and a lot of faces grinning at him and a crowd cheering for the present as much as they're cheering for the past. Standing at that podium is one of the hardest things he's ever done. Stammer is a mess, has always been a mess, and he doesn't want to screw this ceremony like he's pretty sure he's somehow managed to screw his career.

Marty is right there, looking encouraging, as always. It's nice to see him; it's not the same to talk on the phone, to text every other week or so.

It's so nice to see him Stammer keeps forgetting where the microphones are, turning to look at Marty for - what, exactly? reassurance? encouragement? To mask it, the uncertainty, the dull dead feeling throbbing in his gut, Stammer cracks a joke about Marty's height like everything's completely fine.

It's not.

This is it, for Stammer, the cherry on top of his undersized mentor's larger-than-life career. 

He's pretty sure he can only dream about this happening to him one day. He's hurt, not just now but what feels like always. Marty almost never missed a game. He fears not being able to live up to him, sometimes desperately enough that he knows he makes people worry. He heard the quote from Scary Gary. He sees the looks on his teammates' faces. His mother calls him and pretends she's not concerned, like he can't tell from her voice.

But his career, his longing for hockey, his drive to succeed, they're not the real reason he's stressing tonight. Contributing factors, maybe, or just excuses. No, the real punch in the gut, the stab in the heart, is this:

Tonight, his team is playing for Marty. But Stammer can't. 

It feels like yet another failure to come through when people need him. It feels like he will never, ever succeed.

He finishes his speech. He manages (barely) not to cry. 

Marty pulls him into a hug and tells him he's proud, whispers barely loud enough for Stammer to hear over the crowd that it'll all be fine. If it was anyone else, even Andy or Vinny, Stammer wouldn't be able to take it to heart. But it's not Andy or Vinny. It's Marty.

And Stammer believes him with everything he has.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, so many feelings.


End file.
